it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
