oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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