my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
