One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
