1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
