I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize