just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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