if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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