I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
