I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
