I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize