I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
