I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
