Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
