I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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