Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
