She went from zero to smokin in five shots
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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