yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
