even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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