You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
