She announced her abortion via fbk
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
