hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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