I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
