I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
