Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
