your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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