you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
