bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
