ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
