Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I have fence marks all over my body
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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