you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
