If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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