Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
