She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
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i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
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I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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