he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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