I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
