I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize