It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I currently don't understand fingers.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
