It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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