i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
