This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
