Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
