You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
