Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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