I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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