he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
