the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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