My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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