Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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