this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
