question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
