I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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