It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
