After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
