He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
