So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
