My first STD was from a foam party
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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