Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
