we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
