You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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