Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
