I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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