"it" just moved
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
