I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
