bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
