'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
