I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Terrible idea I love it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
